A quick post

Merry Yule all! Merry Christmas too...in fact Merry Winter Holidays.

My husband and I are staying at my parents house right now. We're staying until the day before New Years. And this is the year, this is the year I'm going to come out of the Broom Closet to them. I'm still not 100% sure how, I'm debating a letter vs talking to them. I'm really leaning letter. But we'll see. I'm just going to let it go for the next few days though and enjoy the holidays with my family. I only see them once a year and (not meaning to be dramatic) I'm a little afraid of what's going to happen after I tell them. It's unlikely they'll disown me, but at the same time I can't rule it out entirely. :-/

But for now, I'm going to enjoy my holiday and break and I hope everyone has safe and wonderful holidays!

Positives of the Past Year

Episode #7.5 came out this week! It's so much fun to do our show. :-) This has been a really crazy year. I was just thinking today of all the things that have changed for me over the past few years, let me share:

On Dec. 12, 2008 I weighed 180 lbs. Over the next year I joined a Curves Women's Fitness Center and changed how I ate, by December 2009 I weighed 140 lbs (what was my original weight loss goal); but I was doing so well, I ended up losing ten more lbs and now I'm under 130. It was really challenging for me, but has really showed me that I have control over myself, my body, and my universe. I know it's sort of a vain thing to be so concerned about, but it's really made me much more satisfied with myself. I think I used to "hide" my emotions with food too...instead of thinking why I felt bad, I would eat pop-tarts (a box). Now, I think about my feelings, why they're there, judge their validity, and find solutions.

On a related note, over the past...well forever, I've struggled with depression. I don't ever remember (not even in childhood) being really happy. It's been my norm to be sad. But over the past year or so I'm finally starting to find a balance and I'm happier now than I've ever been. Sometimes the depression wave will sweep over me, but I don't wallow in it and it doesn't bring my whole world to a crashing halt as it used to. I feel like I can finally cope in a way that makes me happy.

In February of this year I was laid off from my job; it was devastating emotionally and financially. Over the past few months I've gotten work relevant to the field I want to work in (not ideal work, but it's steady) and I've had the opportunity to participate in job training that is preparing me for my ideal work. I'm in an even better place than I was before I was laid off.

In this past year, my husband and I joined a coven; it all came together so easily. We contacted the groups that were closest to us via Witchvox and emailed with a few of them and then met with the one we felt the best about and then joined. Being in a coven has opened us up to each other and to the Pagan community. I can't imagine life without it.

These are the things that I think have been the most dramatic and important changes in my life in recent years; I'm very thankful to have had all these experiences. My life is good. I love it.

In two weeks (when we go to my family's home for the holidays) I am coming out of the broom closet. I'm nervous, but I believe it's for the best. I can't say I'm looking forward to it though. :-)

Black Friday Hate?

Hello!

First of all: Happy Belated Thanksgiving to all! I hope you had a great day. Second of all: Happy Black Friday to all! I hope you had a great day, whatever that means to you.

It's funny, watching FaceBook over the past 24 hours; there's so much Black Friday Hate. Either people are excited or they hate it. I usually go Black Friday shopping. This year I saved about 65% off the regular prices on my purchases and I'm done with all my shopping for Christmas. I've just got some hand-made things to finish up. My Black Friday Experiences have always been good. I've never seen a mob, I've never been pushed or shoved, but I do have a cardinal Black Friday Rule; "Have a I don't care attitude at all times." For example: what you wanted to buy is sold out, instead of finding someone holding that item wrestling them down and ripping it from their hands say, "I don't care, I'll find something better or the same at another store." Another example: People in line infront of you are fighting and start getting really close to you, instead of saying Black Friday is terrible, I'm never doing this again, say "Wow, they're crazy, but I don't care." And then walk to the next line over to get away from the crazies (although this has never happened to me). Unless you are the kind of person who can go with the flow, then you shouldn't go a Black Fridaying, but don't hate on it just because it's not your style.

Additionally, I've found a lot of people saying Black Friday=Commercial=Bad. Ok, yes, the holidays should not be only about the commercial. But, spending some time picking something special for the people in your life that you care about is not commercial--it's kind and in some cases the least you can do. I just go Black Fridaying because the prices are really good that day, I can get it all out of the way in one day, and the extra money in my budget from getting things cheaper allows me to spend almost a third of my Christmas budget on a Salvation Army Angel Tree child.

Every day is what you make of it; if you decide a day is terrible and you let it make you feel icky all day, that's on you, not the day. Also, judging a whole group of people who go Black Fridaying as crazy and commercial-minded isn't cool. I think it's been well established (or should be at this point) you can't/shouldn't judge a large group of people. There is no way you can understand or know everyone's mindset or thoughts, don't pretend to.

And in closing: Thank you to everyone in my town for being awesome Black Fridayers. I had nice conversations with people in lines, the stores I went to were very well managed for the day, there was no pushing or shoving or cutting or cheating. Everyone was fair and cool. Thanks.

Psychic Fair

Hello!

So my dear friend Rose and I went to the Sense-ations Psychic fair in Dallas yesterday. We really enjoyed it and will be doing an event review on the podcast (which we plan to record this week and put out on the 30th or 1st). I had two readings done and really enjoyed them both; we also did mini-sessions of Voice Mapping, which was really interesting.

More details to come out in the show.

Choa!
-Ren

Episode #6

Episode #6 of Shhh! There Are Pagans in Texas!

New Episode

Hello All!

New episode of Shhh! There Are Pagans in Texas will be coming out soonish...tonight or tomorrow. It is editted, it's just a matter of services catching up with me.

In this episode we ended up talking about proselytizing and I had written a prepared statement, which I'd like to also share here:

It is my belief (MY belief) that it is not right to attempt to change people. I believe that change can only originate from the individual. If they don't want to change, they won't, so it's rude to try to impose change on someone who doesn't want/ask for it. If someone has questions about a faith or a religion, then it makes perfect sense for them to seek out people of that religion/faith to learn about it, be it Christian, Wicca, Hindu, Muslim, etc. In my humble opinion that is the appropriate time to share or educate about your faith or religion--when it is asked of you. When people come to you, that is when they are open, or most likely to be open, to hearing what you say and then it is not a confrontation, just a conversation. When someone is attacking or defending, they're in fight or flight mode, survival more. When you're surviving you can't make logical statements or learn anything new.

So, in answer to the question: No, in my humble opinion, we as Pagans, Wiccans, in fact Human Beings of any faith should not proselytize. We should not be confrontational about something as deeply personal as faith. We should have civil interfaith conversations amongst those who want to participate; we should not force these conversations.

When I am approached by a proselytizer, I calmly and politely thank them for the information, end the conversation and move on with my life. They are just doing their job by sharing their faith. It's what they were called to do. And by being polite I am doing what I see as my job: not interfering with others faith, treating others politely, and since they didn't ask (they usually don't) about my faith not sharing. I'm not saying my way of handling it is the best or most appropriate for everyone, just for me. As long as they don't become confrontational or harass or abuse me; then I can handle it gracefully. Only if they were to cross the boundary into rude, mean, or illegal actions would it truly become a problem to me.

I just want to live and let live. Not everyone will agree with me, but by my own statement, that has to be OK.

Enjoy the Episode and have a great week!

Chao!
-Renny

Post Samhain

Hello All!

My husband and I had a fantastic Samhain! In this post are pictures of our Samhain Pumpkins. I carved the Goddess Pumpkin and he carved the God. We also roasted the seeds (which we're still eating on).

In other news, our whole apartment complex is having a wasp problem. My husband has had to kill at least 1 a day (sometimes up to 3) that has gotten into our house. He has to kill them because I'm allergic to them and if they sting me, I die. It's been almost a week and the complex hasn't done anything. The arguement is because it's been windy and they can't spray when the winds over 10 mph. That makes sense, but we also have a 1 inch gap in our front door (which they're coming in through) and they have yet to send anyone out to even look at that. I'm a bit frustrated. I don't really want to end up in the hospital for something preventable and I certainly don't want to die.

:-/

Chao!

-Renny

Happy Samhain!!

It's Samhain! All Hallow's Eve, Dia de Muerte, Halloween--doesn't matter the name, it's the most freaking awesome day of the year. I love this day. It takes me back to remembering my secret rites I used to practice as a teen living in my parent's house. I'd lock myself in my (rather large) bathroom, light candles, work my magic or just commune with the night. It's frequently foggy at night this time of year where I'm from and the atmosphere is unlike any of I've met since. It could have been conceived as creepy--but if you understood it, the fog and the cold night breeze were loving and gentle. The spirits and other-beings nearly visible in the deep midnight fog. It was magical and truly encapsulates my feelings on this holiday honoring the dead, the underworld, and the otherbeings.

Reporting

Hello!

Well, CMA was fun, a bit cold but fun. I definately enjoyed hanging out with my friends and knowing that (for a brief weekend) I was not in a religious minority. My husband and I made breakfast on the last day for everyone: French Toast and Sausage. We also brought a much larger tent this time, which just made the entire event much more comfortable. We went from litterally just enough room for 2 backpacks and a queen mattress to a 12x12 dome that we could stand up in. It was delightful. We also went to Revel Fire (which we some how managed to miss at Beltane)--it was really hypnotic. 23 foot flames usually are, but the people, drumming and dancing made it really special. It inspired me to try to find a place to take belly dancing lessons. I actually found a studio in my town, but they're in the process of moving and won't be taking new students until December, I think I'm going to look for another studio, but if I don't find anything by December I'll go with that one. It would be really nice to be able to take an evening class and be home before 8pm (since I have to get up very early in the mornings for work).

Well, that's a quick summation of my recent life. This coming weekend is Samhain; we've already been to one Samhain ritual and have 3 more scheduled to attend next weekend. It's really the busiest time for witches.

Chao!
-Ren

Getting Ready to Camp

Greetings from Pagan Camping Central! We are in preparing for camping mode. We're getting ready to go to CMA and my living room looks like the Outdooring aisle at Academy. We're busy, but it's good.
:-)

It's October, It's October, IT'S OCTOBER!

So, it's October! I'm giddy; it's my favorite month. Halloween/Samhain is my favorite holiday and fall is my favorite season. Although I have a certain soft spot for Christmas/Yule and winter, but the fall season/holidays are my favorite.

Yesterday Rose & I Went to the Cowtown Celtic Festival. I really enjoyed the event. I think the downside was the front security people had to look through my purse and they found something. I had concealed a half-sized diet-coke (it was my breakfast) in my purse.

Security Lady: "You're going to have to through that away."

Me: "Really?"

Security Lady: Points behind me..."Trashcan." She then sits back down.

OK, I do (sort of) get venues not allowing outside food/drink, BUT, this was a halfsized diet coke that was half finished.

That was my only negative experience of the day, so I was happy. We saw/heard a lot of good artists, checked out (and bought some stuff) from vendors, and ate a fantastic Twisted Potato (I had never met such a thing, but wow, aaaaa-mazing!).

In other news EPISODE 5 is here! GO, listen!

Banished Pumpkin

So my Mabon was unexpectedly extended. Friends of ours ended up delaying their Mabon celebration to this past weekend, so our Mabon continued! It's one of my favorite holidays, so no complaints from me. However...we were to each pick a pumpkin from a basket that had a blessing written on the bottom for the coming year. Mine said "Love"--which is good, all you need is love, right? Well...my husband just had to go and draw a pumpkin with "Fertility" written on it. Why?!?!

For those who don't know, I (and my husband) don't want to have babies. We'd like to raise children someday (adoption) but we do not want to have (biological) babies. It's just a thing we have.

I have banished the pumpkin to his office to promote fertility in his business.

*sigh*

Upgrades!

Hello Everyone!

So, a lot of news. I got a mini-job upgrade. I went from unreliable temporary work to a part time job that's reliable in addition to my unreliable job. It's very exciting and I'm very grateful for the upgrade. :-)

Our Coven's sign went up for our "Adopt a Park"! I <3 the picture. Brings me tons of job.

And finally, episode #4.5 of Shhh! There Are Pagan In Texas is here!! I literally finished editing within the past hour. Phew!

Happy Mabon everyone, I hope you receive the harvests you seek.

Chao!
-Ren

Pagan Pride Day

Pagan Pride Day was great! I had a great time hanging out with Rose and my husband; I loved meeting Tommy Elf (From the Edge of the Circle), David Pollard (CUUPS Podcast), the Area Reps from CMA, and Michael and all of our other listeners who made it out yesterday! At our Shhh! There Are Pagans in Texas booth we had lots of freebies (or Shhhwag as a brillant listener referred to it). We had pagan water, pagan chocolate, quartz crystals, candles, and silver ribons for our new Pagan Journalist Awareness Campaign. Rose and I were impromptu-ly interviewed by the CPWS People, I've looked on their website to see if their is a video play back, but I haven't found it. I'll keep yo updated if they post something. It was a really good day, it was hot, and we all went home afterwards and passed out. My husband was my hero yesterday. He set up our easy-up (tent) and the new table (that I couldn't figure out) and tied awesome knots to hang our banner, and hung out with us and kept us sane. He is fantastic.

Chao!

A Quick Update

Our coven had our first "Adopt an Area" pickup yesterday! It was really fun. I only wish my allergies hadn't gone insanely overactive. My allergies have been so extreme, two days this week it rained and the temperatures dropped, something must be in bloom. :-/ But anyway, the pick up was tons of fun; we picked up a whole bunch of trash, had good conversations, and a nice break with lemonade half way thru.

Thanks to everyone who came out.

ALSO! Episode 4 of "Shhh! There Are Pagans In Texas" is here! You can download it from here.

And finally, Rose & I will be at Pagan Pride Day on Saturday the 11th! We'll have our own "Shhh! There Are Pagans in Texas" booth so come visit us!

A Happy Renny

I've mentioned this before on the podcast (and maybe in the blog, not sure) but for the longest time my husband and I (since we met until about January of this past year) were Solitary Witches even from one another. It was really strange, especially since the real catalyst for us getting to know each other well enough to send us down the path toward a relationship was that we were both misplaced pagans (we were working at a Summer Camp in the deep south). We found out "Oh, you're pagan too?" and then it was pretty much left at that. I remember once a few years later talking about which books we'd read (recommended some we really liked back and forth to one another). We talked about Tarot once or twice. And that basically sums up our conversations from after meeting at summer camp and being long-distance friends (four years)and then me moving Texas and us moving in together, getting engaged, being married (four more years). AND THEN we finally both felt drawn to study and work more formally, found a coven/joined, and now we talk about something witchy/pagany most days. I love this. I've always known I had found my soulmate with my husband, but something happened yesterday that melted my heart in that super-sappy way and made me realize just how perfect we are for one another. We were out of diet coke (a potentially disastrous situation) and so I ran upstairs to put on jeans with the intent of going to the grocery store. I came back downstairs and sat next to my husband on the sofa (to tell him "I'm going to the store") but before I could say anything he posed a really interesting question about divinity. And then we sat there and discussed the aspects of divinity for over an hour. I love my husband, we're both perfect nerds for each other. :-) I'm truly thankful that I have such a wonderful partner in life.

A Happy,
Renny

Goth Kids

My husband and I saw Scott Pilgrim last night. Enjoyed it quite a bit. It did make me miss my high school/college days when I used to wear all black and kept my look all dark and mysterious (I wouldn't say I was totally goth...I just leaned that way...heavily). The goth kids in South Park make me miss those days too (incidentally, the goth kids deserve a spin-off). Life was actually fairly easy when everything sucked, everything made you want to die, and everyday ended with a dark depressing journal entry with angsty poems and sad girls drawn in the margins. It didn't feel easy then, in fact, I remember feeling completely out of control, upset about that, and like I was doing the best I could. And that's how I felt after the goth period, and still now. The past few years the realization that things don't really change much has become stronger. The way the world interacts with us doesn't seem to change, we do. How we deal, think, treat others those things change. But, the same stuff still happens. Every time I'm in a job that has any sort of social element to it, I feel like I'm back in high school. I'm starting to think we need to expect more of high schoolers, because the way they interact socially seems to become the way they interact for life.

I didn't mean for this to be an "angsty" post. But I suppose it kind of went there (Still under the Scott Pilgrim influence?). Thoughts, comments, ideas?
--Renny

Auras, Healing, And Strength, OH MY!

Hello!

So, the past week has brought a lot of clarity. I've spent this summer doing extra learning (reading everything that interests me, studying topics, and practicing). A dear friend has been helping me by healing my Chakras with Reiki and it's really done so much to open me up. I feel much more connected to myself and I'm regaining some "lost arts" as it were. As I child I could see Auras and I'm starting to see them again. I also just feel stronger about myself and my life.

I feel this is very important as we move toward the fall and impending the Christmas/New Years, my deadline for coming out of the broom closet to my family. I know that by being stronger and having a healthier relationship with myself it will make the coming out of broom closet experience better; whether it goes well or badly. I'm truly grateful to be where I am and to be headed in the direction that I am. Thank you to everyone who is helping me. You're truly appreciated.

Chao,
Renny

Enjoying Life

My new mission is to enjoy the journey. I find that I'm so focused on my goals that I don't enjoy the process of achieving them, only obtaining them.

Short, but sweet.

Happy Lughnasadh!

Merry Lughnasadh everyone! My Lughnasadh celebrations were a lot of fun. Rose Hollow's ritual last night was great (and the food was fab, as usual) and then many of the Rose Hollow crew made it out to the COG Public Sabbats today. I really enjoyed the ritual, despite the heat. :-)

And...episode number 3 of Shhh! There Are Pagans in Texas was released last night! I had a lot of fun recording this one with Rose and we got to interview Janet & Charles of Wren's Nest Coven who are the writers of the Seekers Bill of Rights. It's a great document to help keep seekers safe as they travel their pagan path, I highly recommend perusing it.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe first harvest and that your future harvests come to full fruition.

Hooray! Intensive career training is over! I can go back to being a normal--well, kind of--person! The training is over, I have a few online courses to do this week, but I don't have to drive all over DFW anymore. I'm thrilled.

In other news, I decided to start using my mountain bike for good, rather than nothing. There are off-road trails near my house and I've set a goal to go out at least 3 days a week. I am really loving it. It's a great excuse to be out in nature and also to exercise.

We're recording episode 3 of Shhh! There Are Pagans in Texas! this week. :-)

SJ Tucker released her new album Mischief on the 16th of July. You can listen to the tracks through the website and it is a superb album, meeting and at times exceeding the SJ-legacy.

Chao for Now!

Blah

I've been feeling pretty unmotivated as of late. I'm finding it hard to make myself do much of anything...I'm attending an intensive career training right now (all day M-F) and it's taking a lot out of me. I'm just blah! Nothing new in my pagan-world either. I hope to bring you a spicier update soon.

Chao!
-Renny

Life updates and Mini-Book Review

Greetings!

First of all, life is largely good. :-) Last weekend I got my Aura portrait done at Power of the Rainbow (in Arlington, TX). I love it. :-) Also the second episode of Shhh! There Are Pagans in Texas is out! I really love doing these podcasts with Rose. She's so much fun, it's a blast!

And finally, I'd like to mention the book I finished this weekend: The Sin Eater's Last Confessions by Ross Heaven, Llewellyn 2008. It's a true story about Ross' childhood friendship with his English village's "Sin Eater". This friendship develops into an apprenticeship where Ross learns about herbs, philosophy, the nature of life/being, fairies, omens/divination, and of course what a Sin Eater is/does.

I don't love wikipedia, but here is what it has to say about a Sin Eater:

The term sin-eater refers to a person who, through ritual means, would take on by means of food and drink the sins of a deceased person, thus absolving his or her soul and allowing that person to rest in peace. In the study of folklore sin-eating is considered a form of religious magic.

This ritual is said to have been practised in parts of England and Scotland, and allegedly survived until modern times in Wales. Traditionally, it is performed by a beggar and certain villages maintained their own sin-eaters. They would be brought to the dying person's bedside, where a relative would place a crust of bread on the breast of the dying and pass a bowl of ale to him over the corpse. After praying or reciting the ritual, he would then drink and remove the bread from the breast and eat it, the act of which would remove the sin from the dying person and take it into himself.

Formally speaking, Sin Eating appears to have been primarily practiced in the British Isles; however, the book does reference similar (but not identical) rites/traditions practiced throughout Eastern and Western Europe. Though text books and many resources would inform you that Sin Eating Died out in the Early 20th Century (think 1920 or so), this book offers proof of a mid-century Sin Eater. It also briefly mentions that some believe it to be practiced even now in the US' Appalachian Mountain Region.

A Sin Eater does far more than just eat bread off of a dead or dying body and this book reveals the deeper meaning/action of that particular ritual and of the spirituality of this unique brand of British Shaman. It is a fascinating read, well and concisely written, chocked full of information and tidbits. The last portion of the book is a workbook; providing more detail on some the practices, meditations, and concoctions so that you may try them yourself.

I recommend this to anyone interested in History/Religion/Lore of the UK Region, Shamanism, Herbalism, Naturalism, Psychic Development, Fairies, Omens, and Death/Burial Practices.


Chao for now,
Renny

Episode 2 & A Eulogy

First of all, I'm very excited! Rose and I recorded episode two of Shhh! There Are Pagans in Texas! yesterday! It would be finished now...if my computer hadn't been blown up by lightening on Monday. My hard drive survived, and my husband took it up to his office to pull some files I need from it to finish assembling Episode 2, as soon as he gets home from work I'll be finishing it up and posting it ASAP.

So, details about my computer. On Monday it rained. In fact it poured. Where I live in North Texas, this doesn't happen often and I was thrilled to bits. I thanked the rain/thunder and was super happy. I settled into my bedroom to work on rewriting notes from the last Tarot class I went to and there was a huge clap of thunder, a boom, and a pop and my computer was dead. The surge protector failed and it fried the mother board (and our Internet router). We decided to order a new computer, but it's going to be about two weeks before it gets here :-/ In the mean time, I've commandeered my husbands laptop and like I said, my hard drive survived, so I didn't loose any files, it's just a major inconvenience.

As a Eulogy for my Desktop, here is a haiku series:

Beautiful Desktop
Black as the velvet night sky
Your stars are now dim

Fate stole you away
Lead as a moth to a flame
Lost in the bright surge

Part of you lives on
To be given a new life
Your essence honor'd.

Mid-week update

Hello All!

A little mid-week update: Rose & I will be recording a new episode of Shhh! There are Pagans in Texas next week and we'll be releasing it in the first week of July. On the next episode I'll be doing a book review of one of the books I mentioned this weekend. I'll be reviewing Omar Rosales' Elemental Shaman.

Busy Busy Litha!

Happy Litha!!

Happy Litha everyone. And it's a hot one here in Texas. I went to a public Litha ritual earlier today and I nearly died. I seemed to be the only one extrordinarily effected by the heat. I got very dizzy and ended up having to sit through the ritual. I very nearly passed out. :-/ I did enjoy what I got out of the ritual, but the heat was just murder on me.

Lessons Learned for Attending Public Outdoor Summer Rituals:

1. Chug a bottle of water before leaving the house. A diet-coke on the way doesn't count.
2. Eat breakfast and/or lunch before leaving the house. A rice cripsy treat on the way doesn't count.
3. Bring a bottle of water to the ritual. And chug it.

Other things going on in my world. I've chosen my "major" to study for this year in my Coven. I'm studying shamanism. I've read a lot of great books so far:





Awakening to the Spirit World: The Shamanic Path of Direct Revelation
by Sandra Ingerman and Hank Wesselman





Shamanic Journeying: A Beginners Guide

by Sandra Ingerman



and





Elemental Shaman

by Omar Rosales

Podcast!

So, my HPS and I have talked about doing a podcast since...maybe, March or April. We finally recorded the first episode of Shhh! There Are Pagans in Texas! It's available on iTunes or directly thru our website. Our mission, so to speak, is to provide information about local events and resources, but we are also going to be interviewing authors and experts in witchy-fields o' study, as well as discussing Wicca/Witchcraft issues and being as amusing as we can while doing all of this.

:-)

First Draft of a Letter to My Parents

Now, I don't know if I'll come out to my parents via Letter or in Person yet...it's a decision I'm still making. But, I decided to write a letter, because whether or not I end up using it, it is still a good exercise to help me figure out what to say. So, here is the draft:

Dear Mom & Dad,

I have always appreciated what you've done to support me; and I've really treasured us being able to get to know one another better over the past few years. Having you get to know the "real" me has been very special to me. And I would really love for you to know the things that are most important to me. It's why I'm writing this letter--because I love and respect you enough that I think you deserve to know me more honestly.

I want to preface what I'm about to tell you with this: I'm still the same person I have always been--I haven't changed. So without any further fearful prefacing--here we go; I am a Wiccan. Wicca is an earth-based religion. We focus on attuning ourselves to the cycles of the seasons. Wicca has a lot of negative stereotypes and is often discriminated against (which is what makes it a difficult thing to tell your parents). There are some things I feel I need to tell you about what Wicca is not. It is not a devil-satan worshiping religion and "black" magic is not promoted by this religion. It is generally accepted within Wicca that whatever actions you take will be returned to you threefold; so, if you do good things you will receive goodness, if you do negative things you will receive negativity. The idea is similar to Karma or the Golden Rule.

My religion is very important to me. It's an integral part of who I am, which is why I am compelled to tell you. I hope you can respect this part of me--it's important to me that you do.

With much love,
Me

Thoughts, opinions and comments would be much appreciated.

My Dedication

Greetings all,

I did write the first draft of the letter this week, but I would rather tell you that I dedicated into my coven last night! My husband dedicated too. We did the ritual simultaneously! Yay! I really enjoyed the ritual and feel really great about the direction I'm moving in the coven.

*happy dance*

Lots of Painting

Haven't written the letter yet, it's on my list of things to do today.

I've done a lot of painting this week:

Quite a Weekend

Well, I had quite a weekend. I had really severe stomach pains in the early morning on Sunday, they got worse and worse. So, my husband took me to an urgent care center and they told me it seemed like I might have appendicitis and directed us to go to the ER. We tripped off to the ER. I was in massive pain (and I have a very high tolerance for pain). Checked in at 4pm, was checked in thru triage between 4-5:30, had blood draw around 6pm (I reacted really badly...I blacked out and nearly fainted), had a CT Scan around 7pm, was finally called back around midnight. They didn't put me in a room, just in a bed in a hallway. This bed happened to be right at the entrance of the hall and everyone's friends & family members stared at me like I was on display or like they were hoping to see a dead body or a naked person. I was crying because I was in pain and frustrated at this point. The hospital staff didn't acknowledge us again around 2am (when I need tissues because I had been crying so much, my husband had to ask the house keeping staff). A Doctor or Special Nurse, I don't know she didn't introduce herself, walked up and asked why I was here (in an annoyingly Barbie Doll voice) and listened to my boobs with her stethoscope and left. Around 3am a nurse walked over and said "Let's start a drip and then we'll get you discharged." We promptly let her know that no one had told us the results of my tests or what was wrong with me and implied that it would be nice to know. She told me it was just a bladder infection and made me feel stupid for being there, she hooked up my IV, she inserted pain meds, and I cried because I felt stupid and bad until the drip was over. She took the drip out and at close to 4am gave me Rx's and paperwork and sent us to pay. My husband dealt with the accounting people, I don't really remember much; I do remember a drunk guy walking thru asking everyone for money because he needed a tank of gas to get his brand new 6lbs baby and wife home.

Everyone has been really supportive of me and sending me well wishes. And I love and appreciate them for that. My husband has spent a lot of time explaining to me that I shouldn't feel guilty that I didn't have appendicitis, I should be glad. He's happy that I'm not gravely ill and that we were urged by medical professionals to go to the ER and so we did. He thinks we did the right thing and doesn't regret anything. I regret everything. I feel guilty. I feel horribly guilty for spending (they're billing most of the services at a later date, so this is a guesstimate) between $400-800 on a bladder infection (we do not have health insurance). Everyone at work was really kind to me today and figured out a way to let me got home at a half day so I could get some rest. Just when I was beginning to feel a little less stupid and beginning to take a little less blame for the events of last night, I spoke to my mother. I hadn't talked to her at all yesterday, my husband had kept up with her. She emailed me this afternoon and asked me to call when I felt up to it. I called her. She proceeded to make me feel guilty all over again for going to the ER for something she now deemed trivial (although at the time she was supportive of seeking medical attention). Apparently I should be able to tell the difference between a bladder infection and appendicitis, regardless of what an urgent care doctor tells me. I didn't say much, just took it; I find it's not worth arguing with her. Any progress I made over not feeling guilty about the money spent and worrying a lot of people over something (that I can admit could have been serious) that ended up not being serious is pretty much gone.

In last weeks post I was contemplating writing my mother/parents a letter to get the coming out done. I think I'll try to write that letter this week, I know I won't send this version because I am biased against my mother at the moment. I still don't know if I'll send the letter (or some version of the letter) but, I think it will be really good exercise in coming up with what to say. I'll share whatever drafts I come up with.

Thanks for your love and support yesterday.

Mama's Day

So, I just got off the phone with my mother (since today is Mother's Day). I really wish she knew that I was Wiccan already. We ran into a few topics where my perspective was confusing to her, since she doesn't know my religion or assumes to know it. It was awkward.

I've been role playing the Coming-out conversation a lot lately. I need to write it down the next time I go thru it. My goal is to, while being calm, gently and firmly explain what I believe. I know I'm going to have to firmly establish that it isn't a phase and that I won't be/shouldn't be talked out of it. Ugh. I think I set too lengthy of a time to ponder over this. I really want to get it over with, but I don't want to do it over the phone or via email. Would writing a letter be a good middle ground? I don't know. If you have thoughts, I'd welcome them in the comments section.

:-/

Merry Beltane

Merry Beltane everyone!

Today my husband and I played music for a public Beltane ritual. It was the first pagan ritual I ever played for; I was expecting to get really nervous like I used to before I played at the Lutheran Church I went to as a kid/teen. I would have terrible stage fright at Church performances, but today was easy and fun and light. I really enjoyed it. I love having these moments that remind you that you're moving forward in life and that things are improving. :-)

Gardening

Gardening has been my hobby lately. We moved into a new apartment recently that has a small backyard. I love it. I've got some ferns, ivy, annual flowers, fruit/veggies (tomato, watermelon, bell pepper, & jalapeno pepper), and herbs (basil, oregano, parsley, rue, marjoram, lemon verbena, lemon balm, rosemary, thyme, lavender, and mint).

Return from Camping & A Recipe

Hello all!

My husband and I went to CMA's Beltane festival. It was a lot of fun, although it rained pretty much all day Thursday and Friday. Saturday was mostly clear, with a few spots of rain and Sunday was practically perfect. So, at least the weather had a continuous improvement.

I had never been to a pagan festival before, so it was an interesting experience. I really got a kick out of (for 4 short days) knowing that I wasn't a minority in my beliefs, that alone was relaxing and calming. I really enjoyed the food...the group I was camping with are all very food-focused and every meal was wonderful. Each family/couple in the group was responsible for making one dinner and one breakfast; my husband and I made hot dogs and mac n' cheese for our dinner and french toast with turkey bacon for our breakfast. I spent time the week before the camp-out adapting my french toast recipe for camping. I really enjoyed the recipe and will share:

Renny's Camping French Toast
2 Cans Evaporated Milk (total of 22 oz.)
1.5 Cups Water
1/3 Cup Meringue Powder
1/4 Cup Cinnamon
2 tbls. Syrup (I used' Cary's Sugar Free)
30ish Slices of Bread

Stir the Evaporated Milk, Water, Meringue Powder, Cinnamon, and Syrup together until very well combined. Heat a skillet lightly coated in oil to a medium-low heat. Dredge the bread slice in the Milk mixture coating both sides and shaking off the excess. Set the bread in the pan and fry on both sides until golden brown. Serve warm-hot with Syrup.

Will feed 12 hungry people.

Book Review: Out of the Broom Closet

Out of the Broom Closet
Edited by Arin Murphy-Hiscock

I really enjoyed this book; it's a collection of fifty stories/essays on different individuals' coming-out-of-the-broom-closet-experiences. The book has a great variety of stories, from individuals coming out in Christian communities, coming out in Muslim communities, being accepted after coming out, being shunned after coming out, coming out as a teenager, midlife, or later in life. I was able to closely identify with some stories and with this great variety I was able to contrast my own experiences; which has been really useful in examining where I am in my current coming out process.

I think this book is a great read for any Pagan, but I think this is an especially useful book for people considering and planning to come-out.

It retails at: $12.95, but you can find it used or new for anywhere from $5-10 at Better World Books, Amazon, or Half.com.

An update.

Things have gotten crazy. I apologize for getting out of whack with my blogging. Things that have been going on:
1. I was laid off in Feb.
2. I spent a lot of time figuring out how to get on unemployment and writing over 103 applications.
3. Moving by surprise. We didn't think we'd be moving, but our old place started treating us badly and so we looked at what was available. We found an amazing place that we love and are enjoying making into a home.
4. In-laws-visited. (it didn't go well).
5. Dealt with depression thru-out all of this...it was really trying and I'm hoping I'm thru the deepest murk. I think things are moving forward.

I'll be updating more often now, but my head really isn't in the "blog" right now, so I'll come back later with something deeper soon.

Chao!

Jobs

I'm officially jobless now. I was supposed to get paid on the 15th, but I haven't been paid yet. I've got job applications in to everything from Starbucks Barista (not ideal) to Daycare Teacher (ideal). I'll take anything right now. I'm pretty stressed out, but I'm looking forward to having a day or two off with nothing to do except clean house. I made rosewater last week to bless our apartment with, so I'll probably take care of that Thursday or Friday.

Though I'm not feeling great about getting an "ideal" job right now, the bright side of a Barista or Bookstore job would be I'd definitely be able to wear my pentacle to work and be myself.

I made some more statuettes tonight, pictures below.

From Broom Closet Escape

From Broom Closet Escape

From Broom Closet Escape

From Broom Closet Escape

Update on My Snow Day

In addition to getting some reading done, cleaning our home, and baking a cheesecake, I made some polymer clay god/goddess statuettes.

First I made this goddess:

From Broom Closet Escape

Then I made this god:

From Broom Closet Escape

Then that god kind of fell apart, so I made another god:

From Broom Closet Escape

Here they are in pairs:

From Broom Closet Escape

From Broom Closet Escape

And then I made a super little goddess to (ironically) be hidden in the Mardi Gras king cake I'm making for the pagans I'm hanging out with this weekend.

From Broom Closet Escape

Beautiful Blessings in Snow

I live in Texas and while snow isn't unheard of here, it certainly isn't the norm. I used to live near the Great Lakes and became quite accustomed to regular heavy real snow. It's funny to me when the world shuts down because of 4 inches of snow; but I'm thankful. I get to spend this snow day at home on a miniature vacation and take care of mundane things and catch up on reading and leisurely write a post for my blog about the snow.

Reading a new book...

Quick update. I just started a new book (which I'm really enjoying thus far):


Out of the Broom Closet: 50 True Stories of Witches Who Found and Embraced the Craft.

I'll give a formal review once I'm finished.

Funny Thing Happened At the Post Office Today

Warning: Micro-blog

I had to go to the Post Office to pick up my BA Diploma today since it wouldn't fit in the package box for my apartment and the apartment office was apparently closed when they tried to deliver it on Saturday. I handed the Post Office worker the ya'll-have-my-package-slip and he went and found it. As he was handing it to me he pointed to the bottom right hand corner where it said "Do Not Bend--DIPLOMA" and asked if I had just graduation. I told him yes I had and he asked what I was going to do now. My first impulse was to say, "I dream of starting a non-profit organization to assist pagan's with issues related to coming out of the broom closet." Instead I said, "Try to make money."

More Life

So, I found out this week that I or may not be getting laid off from my job. I took it particularly hard since I work for my in-law-family. I had a long talk with my boss today about it and I was thouroughly assured that it's not about job performance--it's strictly financial. It still doesn't make me feel good about it. I am fortunate however that I'm in a position where my employer is willing to let me take a few weeks off (if needed) and work somewhere else until they can afford for me to come back or they're happy to see me take a better job should I find it. Unfortunately though I've spent time on the usual job-websites and have found zilch. We'll see, I feel good that I'll have a job that will pay again eventually even if I can't find anything. It's not ideal, but better than no prospects or options atall.

In more pagan-y news. My husband and I met with a coven over Imbolc weekend and really enjoyed spending time with them. It makes me feel wonderful to find pagan's whom I can call friends. I'm finding it's a difficult transition from super-secret-solitary-witchcraft to working with and opening up to a group, but it's a really satisfying transition.

Oh, and I'm listening to a TON of SJ Tucker lately. If you haven't heard her, give her a chance. She has a beautiful voice and plays a mean guitar.

Her websites: http://www.skinnywhitechick.com/, http://trickypixie.com/ & http://www.sjtucker.com/

And a few favorite songs:

Life

Hello!

I wanted to give an update on what's going on, since I haven't posted recently. I was sick with an extreme cold last week and this week I've been playing catchup in my mundane-life. This coming weekend I am fortunate enough to be going to two Imbolc rituals and will hopefully have some time to get my magical-life back in order. Chao for now!

The Personality Pentacle

I'm excited! This is the first worksheet I've created for the Broom Closet Escape and it's one of the things that I was most anxious to do when I first started this blog. The idea for this worksheet first came to me from Tahlea Moonwater's podcast The Geek Witch (www.geekwitch.org). She poses a similar exercise to her listeners in order for them to explore what makes them who they are. I've tailored and added to this idea and turned it into a worksheet so that it can help myself and hopefully others as they come out of their broom closets.

I've filled out a work sheet and will post my answers below. To download a copy for yourself to complete please download it here.

My Personality Pentacle (Click images to enlarge)

From Broom Closet Escape

From Broom Closet Escape

A Very Nice Pamphlet

So, the brochure I read this week was the HRC's Resource Guide to Coming Out (link provided below). Although it's written to help GLBT people come out of their closets, there is a lot to be gleaned from this pamphlet for a pagan preparing to escape the broom closet. It gave me a lot of talking points to work off of and I highly recommend you give it a read! The link below will take you to the HRC's PDF copy of it.

Resource Guide To Coming Out

What I'm Working On

To start, I'm a member of the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) and I truly believe in equality for all...sexual preference, religious choice (or non-choice in some cases), or other. One of my best friends is a gay man. Knowing him and watching him transform from freshly un-closeted (when we met he hadn't been out for too long) into openly gay member of society has been terribly inspirational to me. Hopefully I can be a strong as he's been when it comes time for me to officially come out at the end of the year. He does a lot of good in his community thru volunteer work and by living as a good person; I have the utmost respect for him.

I think we pagans have a lot to learn from the GLBT community. They've faced similar challenges (as their opponents tend to come from the same group of people as ours tend to) and have faced similar fights (being recognized and acknowledged legally). By supporting their quest for equality, I feel it also furthers my pagan community's also.

Now, fortunately for me, the GLBT community is pretty organized (a place where the pagan community tends to greatly differ) and the HRC's website has a number of resources for Coming Out (of the Gay closet) and I'm reading thru those publications these days to see what would be useful for me in my Coming-Out journey. I'll share what I find with you all.

Bright Blessings!

Reclaiming Fulfillment

Going back to work after and extended vacation kind of sucks. I'm attempting to amend my usual pessimistic ways however, and face this year with a more optimistic perspective. Unfortunately I work for family (my in-laws), particularly Christian (very) family. So, I don't really get to be myself at work, but I'm hoping to face this year with more grace than the last.

My husband's not ready to come out to his family as a witch. I truly respect and understand his choice, but one of the reasons why I'm coming out of the closet to my family is in order that I may be more of myself in my life. The best times (read most fulfilled) have been those times that I was able to thoroughly express myself as a witch without having to hide or just flat out lie. These times were fleeting however, for example I spent my high-school summers at camps with little to no supervision. It allowed me to freely talk to other campers about my beliefs and to read whatever I wanted and to sneak out for midnight rituals in the woods. But then summer would end, I'd hide my books and supplies and go back to playing a Christian-daughter. I've never been as open as I was during my high-school summers and I've spent a lot of time since then trying to be the person other people want me to be; I'm ready to be myself.

Hopefully as I figure out the coming out process I can find, compile, and make a resource that will be helpful to my husband and others as they decide whether coming out of the broom closet it for them or not. I can imagine situations where it wouldn't be appropriate and it certainly shouldn't be done until one is sure they're ready. More on this in my next posting.

Bright Blessing!

A Hint of Optimism?

So, last night I was listening to pagan podcasting (I've only recently discovered pagan podcasts and I'm really enjoying catching up on a number of the shows). I'm listening to the Geek Witch right now (link in the left side bar). The hostess is an adorable Aussie Witch named Tahlea. She's very genuine and honest in her broadcasting and it feels like you're listening to a friend. In her first show she shares her coming out of the broom closet story (specifically to her mother). First of all, I recommend listening to the episode (link below); Secondly, she made me realize that as much as I'm dreading actually coming out to my family (particularly my parents, particularly my mother), there is actually a possibility that it could end well. Thanks Tahlea for adding a hint of optimism to my coming-out-process.

http://geekwitch.org/2008/04/podcast-1-coming-out-of-the-broom-closet/

Moonlit Creations

Mojo and Sparrow on their podcast The Wigglian Way mentioned Moonlit Creations (a pagan jewelery maker). It's beautilful work, check it out:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/MoonLitCreations

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New Year, New Goals

I currently live over 600 miles away from my family, but I miss my home town and would love to move back. My husband really loves the area too and we can see ourselves being very happy there. One of my concerns moving to the area however would be how my parents/family would handle finding out that we're Pagan. To this point I haven't told my family because I was afraid they'd freak out and disown me, but I'm starting to feel that I can't let my fears control me. Hopefully we'll be able to move 2-3 years from now. If my family ends up to not be accepting and understanding I should know before making such a major and expensive move. And if they end up being cool about everything, then it would put my mind at ease and make my husband and I feel even better about moving.

I want to be able to tell my family by the end of the year. Honestly, putting a time line out like this is terrifying to me. It makes me wonder if this last (wonderful) Christmas we spent with them will be the last. And that just makes me sad. But it needs to be done. If my family ends up being the kind of people who won't be accepting and tolerant of other beliefs then I wouldn't want them to be in my life anyway.

I need a plan though, I need to figure this out from as many angles as I can and then sometime in December of 2010 I can let the cat out of the bag.

Here are my goals (I'll be going over each point in depth in future blogs):
Obstacles:
i. My family's Christian beliefs.
ii. My family's tendency to only associate with other people sharing their beliefs.
iii. My fears/possible misconceptions.
What I Believe:
i. I know what I believe, but I want to write it down and be 100% confident in my ability to convey it clearly and concisely.
How to Tell Them:
i. I'm not sure telling them in person is really the best plan, when I've had to share bad news with them before I've done it in emails. I need to thoroughly consider my options and make sure I'm making the best choice.


Phew! Well, I think it's a good start. For now, at least, I can think of it being an entire year away.

Happy New Years

Happy New Years! Best and brightest wishes for the new year.

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